Progress...?

We went to counseling which did help. Husband saw my raw hurt all over again and really listened to and processed the counselor's opinions on dishonesty and infidelity. Husband hadn't really connected his actions with infidelity since there was no physicality to the situation. I've been going to individual counseling to deal with my new trust issues, self esteem issues, and just to process the situation. It has really been helping. I've learned techniques to stop my anxiety when I start the "what if" thinking and most importantly I have learned that Husband's actions are related to his own self esteem issues. To be perfectly frank, I now think it's sad that he felt the need to validate himself by having that type of relationship with someone. I mean, really, when you think about it that really is sad. However, that's not my issue to conquer- that's all his!

So there's been some baby steps in progress. I'd be a huge liar if I said it was all better or that things are fine and dandy. Things aren't fine and dandy. Sometimes they are ok and sometimes they absolutely suck but we are working through it. We are trying to work on our marriage and get things together before Lima Bean arrives in Sept. I know he's trying but I still go back and forth from healing to rage/hurt/anxiousphyschobitch sometimes. I've learned to recognize what triggers a strong reaction from me in regards to remembering that situation and I try and pick and choose when I allow myself to react strongly.

So.............
It's a girl!!!! We are expecting a daughter!!! Seeing my husband with the scanner gun in Babies R Us registering for pink stuff brought joyful tears to my eyes. I know that no matter what happens he'll be a good dad and will love his baby girl to the ends of the Earth.

I started my new job and things are ok. I am well over qualified but I keep reminding myself that any job around here is a good job. I'm still not sure if I'm keeping the job after Eden/Zooey comes but I'd like to work at least part time. I'm crossing my fingers that they'll let me work part time next year..