What its really like in my head

I appear to be a laidback person but in reality I'm neurotic and obsessive and anxious all on the insides of my head where most people can't see it. I fixate. I change my mind often. I stay up late worrying about things that are silly and I know they are silly. I wake up in the middle of the night because I've remembered the thing I forgot to do three days ago. My mind never stops. And want to know something else? I have a constant banter going on inside it? I talk to myself constantly. I know everyone does, and some people even do it outloud, but I feel like I do it more frequently then most people. So you're probably thinking that I'm crazy but I promise I'm not certifiably crazy. Not looney tunes. Not psycho. Not bipolar. I just have an active mind.

But the perk? I think my active mind makes me more observant. Straight up NCIS style observant, as a matter of fact!!

Hmmmmm

Where have I been?

Where have I not been?

Haha, just kidding. I've been around. Been busy! we bought a house!! Its a 1940 stone house, about 1780 square feet with a yard close to Husband's work. Being a home owner is scary! We've been doing tons of renovations and that's kept us busy. And of course, once we get here and unpacked my stuff got here from storage and I had to unpack all over again. But we now rock orange walls in our living room. I'm not gonna lie, they are pretty kick ass!

My dog looks gay

I have absolutely nothing against homosexuals- let me start with that! My rescue poodle, Roger, was all shaggy and looked like a rastafarian dog before he went to the groomer and now he looks gay. I think its cute in a wierd way but my husband isn't amused. He doesn't share the sentiment. Roger got shaved and now rocks the traditional poodle cut; a poofy tail and ears. He's so cute! But also so cold! I bought him the only blue sweater Walmart had. Coincidentally it had a snowflake on it. I think he's effing adorable but DH doesn't want the neighbors to see them outside together.

I miss...

Having a group of girlfriends. I have one girlfriend here. I like her to death, don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure we'd be as close as we are if I had other friends. Not to mention it gets a little bothersome only having one other person to call. I miss getting together and laughing with a group of girls. I miss having girls to check on and to check on me and when I'd be chatting with a girl friend on the phone and another would call. Mostly I miss the support. I have friends from home whom I still talk with frequently but its not the same when they aren't here...and quite frankly, they aren't military spouses so they don't understand our unique pressures and issues.

I'm so lonely here it hurts sometimes. I hate constantly tagging along with Husband just to be out of the house. I want him to have his time and me to have mine...Spending so much time alone is scarey sometimes. And I keep thinking about how at this rate it will only become alarmingly worse when he deploys.

Be assured that I've been making an effort to make friends. I've joined yoga class at the local community center and dance class at the local college. I've reached out to the ladies of cinchouse and even struck up conversations with women at Target and JoAnn Fabric. I'm starting to feel like nobody wants to be friends with me! Pathetic, isn't it? I feel dorky just writing it but its 100% the truth. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me! That's paranoia and desperation talking but still...

Sigh

It'd finally start to feel like home here if I had some girlfriends. Even just one more...

Attack of the alien bell peppers

I was slicing bell papers a little while ago and inside a yellow bell pepper I found an alien/stowaway/baby/tumor green bell pepper. It looked like the little green bell pepper was growing just fine inside the yellow one. I wasn't aware that bell peppers could carry baby bell peppers. Here I was going along in life thinking they were only vine vegetable. Who knew?





I'm a little scared to eat it. What if it was injected with a hundred times more steroids then it should have been or something?! Hmmm...to eat it or not to eat it. Would you?

Pride

Pride is an interesting thing. Not only do people take pride in different things but they view their own pride in variety of ways. What do you take pride in? I take pride in the fact that my wanders in spontaneous directions and that there is a near constant one sided conversation going on in my head. Well, correction, its not only a conversation but sometimes its musings and other times its a running commentary.

So welcome to my blog...the place where my mind's rumblings and grumblings get set to paper to be preserved forever.