I never thought I'd think it...

But divorce has crossed my mind this past week. Even though he didn't have an a physical affair his emotional betrayel has torn me apart. Every time his phone goes off my stomach turns and my blood pressure elevates. I want to obsessively go through this phone and computer. I think about it. Picture it. Go through it all in my head over and over again. I know many marriages have survived infedility and I wonder what their secrets are...what's the magic advice? Can you just magic it better please?

Let's Cancel

Let's cancel Valentine's Day. Let's just not acknowledge it. I scrimped and saved since Oct to get him the handgun he's been wanting for more then a year. He found out because where I ordered it from had to call him and verify some information and when he wanted to go to the class and the next day he turns a complete 180 and is an ass. What the fuck! I'm sorry but if someone does something nice for me I appreciate it. Maybe that's because people don't usually do shit for me or maybe that's how I was raised but I certainly don't pull a stunt like he did. And honestly, I just want to get rid of the gun. Now I associate it with what he did. I know he hasn't gotten me anything and I don't need a gift. Honestly we can't afford anything. So I kind of feel like its a test. Can you still make it a good day without spending money? Will he do something nice like bring me hot chocolate in bed after waking up with the dogs so I can sleep late? Because honestly, that's all I want. Just a day where I can relax a little and catch up on some sleep. And you know what? Sadly, I don't see him doing that. Maybe I'm bitter. Maybe I'm cynical. Maybe I'm not giving credit where credit is due. But maybe I'm going to be right. And then what?